That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
