I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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