i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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