All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We named our party play list daddy issues
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
