Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
