I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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