tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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