mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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