my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
