i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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