if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
