I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
