we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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