Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
