it was like his penis was on wheels.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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