You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize