He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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