But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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