I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
