I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
