Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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