you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
