If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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