sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
