I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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