Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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