i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize