I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As shirtless as possible
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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