No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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