Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
