Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
