Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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