how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
