I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
