Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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