all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
