In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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