i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
