oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
