We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
