If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize