Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So many bounce houses so little time
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
