Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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