I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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