babies were throwing up all over the place
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
