i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
