using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize