Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
