Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
