I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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