Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you will always have a special place in my vag
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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