I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Boobs speak an international language.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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