Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
