I hate your face
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
