If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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