I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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