Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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