I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
