Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize