Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
