i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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