I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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