omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
