Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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