It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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