You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
