I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
