just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
