Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
