3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
