finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
