this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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