Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Randomize
