god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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