she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
