Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sobbing to NWA
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
