im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
