It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
