I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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