I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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